OSHIOMOLE AND THE WIDOW

WORDS are so powerful: they can inspire and they can hurt terribly. And in our tongue, the Scripture says, lies life and death. No wonder,” a word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish anything, or destroy it. Therefore, be careful what you say, because by your words, you can create or destroy. This is even more so in leadership development circles where every word uttered by a leader is carefully analysed in its context. Even though apologies can soothe the pain caused by harsh words, it might not erase the sad memories. This is why those in the public eye are advised to avoid errors of judgment which often is the result of flawed decisions when the brain trips up. A few weeks ago, the Governor of Edo State, Adams Oshiomhole made headline news when he lashed out at a widow, Mrs Joy Ifije, a petty trader, who reportedly obstructed traffic at a popular road in the state capital, Benin city with her wares. The front-page news wasn’t the fact that the widow got her goods confiscated by officials of the State War Against Indiscipline, the words used against her by the governor was what attracted the most attention. The governor reported said to her, “If you are a widow, do you want more people to be widowed? You can go and die”… It was a comment considered so uncomplimentary, so heartless by the governor’s critics. It was a gaffe so unbecoming that has since elicited unreserved apology from the governor, plus N2m to the widow, and an offer of employment with the WAI brigade. This was one horrible moment when Oshiomhole allowed his anger to let him down. And he resorted to what some humble leaders do: apologize. “Let me apologize to you”, he told the widow,” for the way I spoke to you; I am very sorry about the statement. I have also realised that even in anger, one could still achieve the same result that he set out to achieve without provocative outburst. I apologise from the bottom of my heart, but sometimes you get angry when people compromise your efforts”. The governor later treated the widow and her son, Bright, to a breakfast. I guess it was an emotional meeting that the governor had with his unusual guests. It was good that the widow saw reason that she also made a mistake and apologised as well. But this is instructive: public office holders face frustrating situations when they think their best efforts are thwarted by some citizens. In such a situation, the finger of blame is sometimes directed at the opposition party. Why, for instance, would the PDP in Edo state quickly shower the widow with N250,000? But, why would the Oshiomhole allow his temper to fail him that fateful day? Some say after all, Leaders are human and every one of us, they make decisions every day, some big, small, personal, professional, and even innocuous. However, the daunting reality is that, sometimes their judgments do let them down at a crucial moment they suppose to hold themselves in the face of provocation. When they resort to apology to right a wrong, it is something they do with a measure of anguish. Studies have shown that people we respect, people we consider as good leaders, exemplars, some very highly intelligent and responsible people, have goofed big time, only to tender unreserved apology later. The picture of Oshiomhole with the widow and her son, with a cup of tea in hand (I suppose)cut the image of a leader very remorseful. He seemed to be asking: why did I allow my brain to trip up? Good for him, he realised early enough the import of his gaffe. That’s what responsible leaders do when they discover that the judgment they have made had let them down. Oshiomhole’s apology was sign of contrition, a bold and perhaps sincere effort in making restitution. By admitting that his original intention was misunderstood, Oshiomhole did meet the necessary requirements that a good apology suppose to contain. These include that a mistake has been committed, followed by an acceptance of responsibility, expression of deep regret and an assurance that such mistake is unlikely to happen again. But the “victim” must respect the law. This is exactly what two psycho-historians Aaron Lazare and Nicholas Tavichis advised that leaders should do when they have made a wrong decision. Tavichis, in his book,” Mea Culpa: A Sociology of Apology and Reconciliation”, noted that even though apologies speak about acts that cannot be undone, refusal to tender apology at all, might compromise present and future relationship, especially when the leader knows that staying silent and stonewalling on the matter in dispute might threaten “current and future relationship”. That is why apologies have become a tool used by well- meaning public officials especially in developed democracies to put behind them “at minimal cost, the errors of their ways”